


Who's Your Daddy?

by PhilistiniPhagottini



Category: Devil May Cry
Genre: Crack, Humor, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Other, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:20:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24974476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhilistiniPhagottini/pseuds/PhilistiniPhagottini
Summary: Some DMC boys overhearing their S/O saying something about Daddy. Madness ensues.
Relationships: Dante (Devil May Cry)/Reader, Nero (Devil May Cry)/Reader, Vergil (Devil May Cry)/Reader
Comments: 1
Kudos: 167





	1. Dante

**Author's Note:**

> This is a request from an anon I did over on Tumblr. I will add Vergil and Nero to this a bit later when I've got some free time to sit down and edit. But anyways, I hope this gives everyone a few laughs. This was the specific ask if anyone was curious:  
> "Heyy I was wondering if you’d write something for the DMC crew overhearing their S/O saying something about Daddy and the DMC Boys don’t realize their S/O is actually talking to their dad who’s visiting ? Example (s/o”I’ll see you later daddy.” And Dante says something smart, walking into the room with his S/o only to realize their actually talking to their dad.) I’ve had this happen before and it was so funny yet so embarrassing."

It was a quiet day for Devil May Cry. There were no new contracts to take care of and the phone had been silent all day. By some form of miracle, the electricity hadn't been cut off just yet and the music from the jute box created a comfortable ambiance. 

The only ones that were left in the shop were you and Dante. Everyone else had decided to go off and do their own thing seeing as they had some free time. You didn't mind sitting around the shop and Dante kept himself busy for most of the day when he decided to go treasure hunting for a magazine, he had bought a couple of weeks ago. He had been searching for what felt like hours and he was convinced by now that it was lost. He would have to come to terms with that revelation. 

Dante paused briefly when he heard your laughter rise from the office downstairs, the merry tune rising over the music briefly. He had been hearing you talk for quite some time now. He could barely make out the words but by the sound of your laughter he thought you were talking to a good friend over the phone. It must have been a riveting conversation because he could have sworn you hadn't taken a breath in twenty minutes. 

He decided to abandon his search for the magazine as he made his way to you. He was suddenly interested in what could have had you talking for so long. Just as he was within earshot of you, he heard you suddenly exclaim:

"Daddy!"

Certainly not what he was expecting to hear. You must have heard his approach. Wouldn’t be too hard with these creaky floorboards. His pace quickened slightly as he walked into the room with a big grin plastered across his face.

"Did you sing out to me, babe?"

The jute box suddenly cut out and the room was plunged into silence. Dante's eyes widened a fraction when he realised what he had just walked in to. You had been addressing another man in the room, a man that Dante assumed was your own father. Though he had never been properly introduced from a first glance he could already see some similarities. Ah, so you weren't talking to a friend over the phone. He hadn't even been aware that another person was in the shop. 

You were staring at Dante with your eyes bulging out of your head, your mouth slightly ajar as your skin flushed with embarrassment. Your father didn't look quite as shocked as you were. His eyebrows were simply pinched together as he stared in confusion at this stranger clad in red. The silence was almost deafening in your ears and the longer it dragged on the more you could feel the awkwardness start to set in. Of all the times he decides to show up, he chooses now. 

The music finally returned as the next song kicked over and filled the shop with tunes again. Dante looked between both of you before he let out a big sigh.

"Oh, you were talking about that daddy."

He rolled his shoulders before he waved his hand. "Don't mind me, carry on."

He walked past his desk and swiped the nearest book he could, opening a random page and burying himself in the words. You stared at his back as he left, your eyes almost the size of dinner plates. How dare he leave you to clean up the awkward mess he created. You had planned to introduce him to your father today since everything had been so quiet. You didn't expect their first encounter to go down like that.

You refused to meet your father's gaze as you slowly turned around to address him. You cleared your throat awkwardly, your face feeling like it was literally on fire. 

"So, that's my boyfriend" you croaked.

You felt a hand clasp your shoulder and you almost jumped out of your skin from the action. You finally found the courage to look your father in the eye as he gave you a solemn look. 

"Call my therapist, tell him he's a rich man."

There was no malice behind his words as he merely tried to break the awkward silence with a joke. You let out a sigh of relief. Hopefully Dante could make a better first impression later. A smile wormed its way onto your face as you placed your hand over his.

"Believe me, you're going to need an exorcist to get rid of that demon."


	2. Vergil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a little short but I hope you enjoy it

It was your day off from work and you decided to invite your father over for morning tea at your place. You tried to coax Vergil into participating as well but he declined and made himself scarce for a few hours. You tried not to be put off by the surly half demon and had a nice chat with your father. He had brought over some of your favourite pastries from the bakery down the road and you had a lovely morning tea with them. You talked for a few hours, simply catching up on each other's lives and talking about whatever topic came to mind. 

When it was time for your dad to leave you showed him to the front door and waved him off.

"See you later daddy!"

"I never left."

You almost jumped out of your skin when you heard Vergil's voice right behind you. Like a wraith he had just suddenly appeared and you had almost screamed. He had a nasty habit of sneaking up on you and almost scaring you to death. You scowled at him, resisting the urge to kick him in the shin.

"I wasn't talking to you" you pointed out.

To your horror you realised your father hadn't left yet and he clearly had heard your exchange. Like a deer caught in headlights of an oncoming car, you simply froze on the spot. You suddenly felt the urge to dig a really deep hole and bury yourself in it.

Vergil's eyes followed yours and it took him a moment to process what had happened. His face was completely devoid of any emotion and you really didn’t know what he was going to do next. It slowly dawned on him the error he had just made. His eyes travelled to the clock hanging from the wall before he suddenly cleared his throat. 

"Oh, would you look at the time. I've got a doctor's appointment at the dentist" he stated. 

It took you a couple of seconds to process the words and realise his error. That sentence did not make sense yet Vergil said the words with such a serious and convicted tone that you were almost forced to believe him. Your mouth was opening and closing like a fish out of water as you tried to speak yet nothing came out. Your father suddenly stepped aside, allowing Vergil room to slip past. 

"Don't let us keep you" your father responded. 

You turned your bewildered expression on your father. Did he actually believe that statement or was he simply going along with it to just get through this awkward encounter? You may never know the answer. 


	3. Nero

As soon as Nero set foot in your house, you demanded he go and take a shower. He was covered in blood and lord only knows what demon entrails. And the smell. You almost wretched from the pungent stench. Nero was lucky you didn't immediately grab the hose and hose him down outside. You were sorely tempted to. You settled for Nero immediately washing while his clothes were drenched in whatever could get the stains out. 

By the time Nero had gotten out of the shower, he was smelling as fresh as a daisy. Quite literally you had thrown a flowery scented body wash at him and he had scrubbed his skin clean with it. He didn’t complain much at least the smell didn’t make him gag.

As he dressed himself and towel dried his hair, he found a note left for him on the dresser. He had been in the shower for a while, long enough for the bathroom to fill with steam and the mirror to become cloudy. You had scrawled a few things, namely what was being done to his clothes. You also decided to doodle all over the page and Nero couldn't help the smile that wormed its way on his face. He continued to read as he went to find you, only half paying attention to what was going on around him. 

He ran his towel through his damp hair, trying to avoid getting the droplets all over your lovely little note. His ears pricked as he heard your voice in the living area and he decided to follow it. As he entered the room, he could hear you speak.

"Ah daddy, you're finally here."

Still only barely paying attention to his surroundings Nero was quick with a reply. 

"Didn't think you were into that but I can roll with it" he quipped.

The silence that followed made him finally look up. His shoulders tensed as he froze to the spot, eyes wide as panic slowly set in. You hadn't been addressing him at all. You had been greeting your father who had just walked through the front door. He really wished he could snatch the words out of the air and shove them back down his throat. It was far too late for that now as you and your father were giving him bewildered looks. Out of the corner of his eye he spied something you had written down. In bold letters you had underlined:

** My dad is coming to dinner. **

You bit your lip to try and stop yourself from having a break down. You were cringing so hard on the inside and you were stuck between embarrassment and amusement. The look on Nero's face was priceless. He had faced countless demons without batting an eye, even going as far as to taunt some grotesque ones. You had never seen him so flustered before. 

Nero’s brain finally rebooted from its momentary malfunction and he stumbled over the first words that immediately jumped into his brain.

"Good evening sir" Nero blurted out, face flushed red with embarrassment. "Lovely weather we're having today."

You couldn't hold it in anymore. You broke out into a fit of laughter, your shoulders shaking from the force of your amusement. 


End file.
